Gasoline (wet) dreams: “Drill baby, drill…” by rifraf / September 30
I never thought the phrase “drill baby drill” would elicit psuedo-pornographic images in my mind, but yesterday I think that happened.
My history teacher Mr. Williams would say “I remember in the seventies, during the Oil Crisis – by god you couldn’t even hardly get gas! Ya’ll are just spoiled, it’ll run dry… *cue Charlie Brown trumpet blather*
“Don’t everybody like the smell of gasoline? Well burn motherfucka burn American Dreams…” – Outkast Gasoline Dreams
Well um… Atlanta as the locals say, “ain’t hardly got no gas – nowhere”. That’s a triple negative statement if you didn’t notice, so you know its bad. Worse – Atlanta’s mass transit, is well, less than sufficient. The Math ain’t in our favor. NYCs buroughs represent 305 sq. miles, L.A. 499 sq. miles on a good day and the Atlanta Metropolitan area? 8,376 SQUARE FUCKING MILES. Meaning if you
a) can’t afford the 4.40 gal.
b) can’t FIND the 4.40 gal or
c) Need to get to work, buy groceries, are mortally wounded and need urgent medical attention, and/or Wife is preggo and you need to get to the hospital?
Then yes, I hope you got a quarter tank, because otherwise you’ll be googling “home remedies” or sucking gas through a hose.
Aside from realizing I reflexively shift into neutral anytime I sense inertia is on my side… I saw something disturbing yesterday that made me realize its so bad PEOPLE WANT TO PAY $4.40+ gal for gas. Seriously, these are crack prices people. CRACK. After work yesterday you woulda thought this one guy was making babies with his gas tank, eyes closed, head to the sky, fisting the hell outta…that err uhm, gas pump. I wasn’t sure if he was nodding his head to music or the rhythm of the gasoline surging through the hose and deep into the empty tank. A big grin of apparent satisfaction came on his face when the loud “click” from the tank rung through the air. “Got my tank full ya’ll!”. Strutted into his car, lounged in the driver’s side, reved up – and sped off.. as if he didn’t just drop at least $75 to get from point A to point B. I live off of Metropolitan Parkway in Atlanta, which was once known for prostitution… I imagine at this rate prostitution for petro will soon take hold.
What followed was even scarier – two cars (one SUV and one sports car) swerved where I swear fumes were still swirling in the air, where Mr. Petro Puta himself just left. An argument starts, one guy cursing gets out his car, then goes back at which point it occurs to me “Its now legal to carry concealed guns in this city – one of these mofos cap off, burst open a tank in flames – whole fucking station erupts , riots break out -end of the world etcetera, etcetera…”
I decided I’d leave and go home, coast as much as I subconciously could in neutral and wait til morning. Who got the gas you ask? Well it looks like Mr. SUV muscled Mr. Mustang out of position…only to find out that particular tank was already tapped out. He didn’t realize that upon filling up, the previous buyer went well over the $20 cap a lot of stations are asking of customers.
Tomorrow – I’m taking the bus.
